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~got nothing but toejam~
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Saturday, March 17, 2007

I bet yer didn't know...

...that I should kick my brother in the cods for giving me one of his homemade bongs. One that he usually hides in the laundry detergent part of his cupboard. Yeacch OMO taste.

...that I like to stir up VaMi when she is outside the laundry door. She goes all schizo crazy; like happy schizo crazy. All I have to do is tell her she's "a kerrazzy daaaawg...crayzeee...CRAZY!" She gets all goofy and shit, tail thumping, turning in constant circles, shaking her bits grinning in at me...then I go into the lounge room and ignore her for a while. heh.

...I would never have a "self-composting" toilet. Truly. That thing needs some sort of bloody air freshener with it. Not mentioning the vinegar flies that like to hang around it... “Hey Mum, how often are you having to dig them flies outta yer butt?”. Or the cool updraft that goes up my slightly spread nethers when I have used it...Guess that beats having to do a handstand underneath the hand-dryer tho. I think my bloody father was supposed to change the giant crap container. As I can see the poo in it. My parents the water conservatives and potential Greenies had this fancy fandangled dry drop put in their house when they had it built. I do wonder if they regret it.

Looks like any other toilet huh...

...that my father must believe me to be his home secretary/dogsbody now.

His emails start with "Hello favourite daughter" or "Hello number 1 daughter" and ends with "Can you...blah...blaaah..."

My replies back usually start with..."Okay you're starting to annoy me now" and end with "You people need to stop asking me to do stuff".

...that sometimes I pick my nose and then wipe it on the nearest old person.

Arhaaha. No I don’t but damn that cracked my fat arse up typing it.

...that I “lost” the area that I last threw the Chilli-Dawgs fetch toy. Stoopid dog turned it’s head away when I threw it the last time. And fucked if I can remember where I was in the yard when I threw it. Which really shits me. The not remembering part. Not much is funnier [at the moment] than watching this dog take a flying leap into the bush that I had just thrown it’s toy into. You’d just see this burrowing hairy arse hanging out of the shaking bush.

Now if I had that throw toy I'd do the bush toss and snap a photo of Chilli's arse for all you dog perverts lovers out there but since we know how that is, this one will have to do.

...if I could sing I would like a voice like Taylor Danes. If I ever come back as a lesbian I'd jump her bones.

...that youse really wanted to know all this.

Sometimes I am just too bloody open and sharing...I need to stop that.

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Posted by apositivepessimist :: 6:57 pm :: 10 comments

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