Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Well would you look at what the cat drug in!
Oi.
*waves*
Over here.
Look it’s meeee Bitches!!
Finally I come back to haunt and stalk some of you lucky lucky buggers again…Yes. I know yers realise that yer’s are indeed being mightily blessed here. No naysayer’s need comment.
Although I must say this bastard internet provider sucks bigger dog balls than the effing provider I had over in Australia. That’s funny that uh.
No. I don’t really think it’s like ha bloody haha funny. Funny as in Dammit I’m in Amerikah now and I’m so not meant to be punked by the speed of a slow bastid internet connection.
All I can say is, they are very fortunate that I now have enough stooff to fill my days with. Or I could be really pissy, ring them and threaten to hang my bad foot up their arse for having such crappy service.
Heh. I love that saying. Cracks me up. I’ve adopted it when speaking to either ThePoodle or the LittleFatBastid. “Yeaah, you better get on and hurry up doing *insert whatever action here* before I hang my bad foot in yer arse”. Neither, ThePoodle nor the rest of TheFamily know if I’m joking or not.
Ahh the uncertainty in others. I like that.
Speaking of the Little Fat One, he’s just three feet away from me [*edit…well he was when I wrote this eight hours ago] snoring merrily, I say merrily because at the mo, this snorings a good thing; it’s masking my typing sounds. Hee. He has a big day of painting ahead of him in a few hours time. Nope, he hasn’t got a Honey Do list from either me or his mom. Tho it could be classed as a Honey Do, it’s a chore for his friend, ThePreacher.
Because Baybee The church needs a new pair of shoooes coat of paint and the Little Fat One got sucked into helping. Which I, obviously, was waay too clever to get caught up in that little joy filled caper. I waited to see how many of the actual JesusJockeys volunteered before I stuck my mitt up. See, I ain’t no John the Baptist came lately, the thing is to sit back and wait for others to step forward first. Eventually there were enough Picasso’s. Frankly, I don’t reckon the hallowed walls may have handled the two of us. Now that it’s mid morning. I know he went up there with a good working buzz on. Heh.
Enough about that and mooore about meeee.
Soo, I’m good.
Yourselves?
I have so much shit to blog about but alas not always the time…So maybe I will go to point form. Uh huh.
. Lyn the eight toed slut who lives next door has not once ventured over here in person. Apparently she is concerned I might bop her in the snout. Which cracks me up. I mean c’mon now, how old are we, bloody ten. Silly old copulating cow. She thinks I “care” that she has flashed her tits and talked inappropriately [heh heh at inappropriately] at my husband. Little do she know, that I figure if the Fat One ever went and hit that, welll his standards are way much lower than I suspected Plus he couldn’t Do the digitally challenged, creeps him out. So help me Bubbha if I ever lose a finger or toe.
. My mother in law had all of her teeth pulled just two weeks before I arrived. She always cackled like a witch when she laughed, now she has the gumminess to match. Thankfully she hasn’t the nastiness to match, I lucked out in the Mom stakes, but I knew that before I married her son. You should Always check out the mother.
. My father in law. Hmm. Well, my father in law is just a one of a kind. He’s mostly deaf…he more lip reads; which was a problem when my mom in law first got her teeth out, changed the way her lips fell when she talked…not too bright but strong as an ox, basically just downright funny to watch. He has a habit of making a certain noise when he is confused, it’s a crossbreeding of the words What and Huh and then mixed in is the puzzled noise. I’ve heard it so often, that now I am unintentionally mimicking him. I walked in the door last night, picked up an unfamiliar object off the table and did his WhaHuuh…then three seconds later when I realised who I sounded like started laughing like a banshee.
Oh well, that’s enough for you lot now.
Ciao bellaahs.Labels: Family and Assorted Fucktards, Habits Quirks TMI and
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
1:00 pm ::
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Saturday, March 17, 2007
I bet yer didn't know...
...that I should kick my brother in the cods for giving me one of his homemade bongs. One that he usually hides in the laundry detergent part of his cupboard. Yeacch OMO taste.
...that I like to stir up VaMi when she is outside the laundry door. She goes all schizo crazy; like happy schizo crazy. All I have to do is tell her she's "a kerrazzy daaaawg...crayzeee...CRAZY!" She gets all goofy and shit, tail thumping, turning in constant circles, shaking her bits grinning in at me...then I go into the lounge room and ignore her for a while. heh.
...I would never have a "self-composting" toilet. Truly. That thing needs some sort of bloody air freshener with it. Not mentioning the vinegar flies that like to hang around it... “Hey Mum, how often are you having to dig them flies outta yer butt?”. Or the cool updraft that goes up my slightly spread nethers when I have used it...Guess that beats having to do a handstand underneath the hand-dryer tho. I think my bloody father was supposed to change the giant crap container. As I can see the poo in it. My parents the water conservatives and potential Greenies had this fancy fandangled dry drop put in their house when they had it built. I do wonder if they regret it.
Looks like any other toilet huh...
...that my father must believe me to be his home secretary/dogsbody now.
His emails start with "Hello favourite daughter" or "Hello number 1 daughter" and ends with "Can you...blah...blaaah..."
My replies back usually start with..."Okay you're starting to annoy me now" and end with "You people need to stop asking me to do stuff".
...that sometimes I pick my nose and then wipe it on the nearest old person.
Arhaaha. No I don’t but damn that cracked my fat arse up typing it.
...that I “lost” the area that I last threw the Chilli-Dawgs fetch toy. Stoopid dog turned it’s head away when I threw it the last time. And fucked if I can remember where I was in the yard when I threw it. Which really shits me. The not remembering part. Not much is funnier [at the moment] than watching this dog take a flying leap into the bush that I had just thrown it’s toy into. You’d just see this burrowing hairy arse hanging out of the shaking bush.
Now if I had that throw toy I'd do the bush toss and snap a photo of Chilli's arse for all you dog perverts lovers out there but since we know how that is, this one will have to do.
...if I could sing I would like a voice like Taylor Danes. If I ever come back as a lesbian I'd jump her bones.
...that youse really wanted to know all this.
Sometimes I am just too bloody open and sharing...I need to stop that.Labels: Habits Quirks TMI and, Toejam
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
6:57 pm ::
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