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~got nothing but toejam~
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Sunday, October 22, 2006

Now waaait just a mofoing minute here!!

I’m seriously rethinking my immigration after reading this disturbing piece of news...Baahaastids.

Oh Noooooooooooooooooooooo.

Folate...what!! is that considered the new mass weapon of destruction or something...I mean to say, c’mon now it will only take out expats anyway...not like many yanks like the stuff. I can see myself now, not running around looking to be hooked up with some chouff but hooked up with some vegemite. Psst hey mate, got any vegemite, maan I‘m jonesing for it...as I perform the motions of making a sanga.

Already I am plotting how to bypass this, this duhcision...

* smuggle a couple of jars of it in, up my snatch and bum.

* swallow condoms filled with the lovely black spread.

* cover my torso and clothed limbs and then wrap myself in cling-wrap to be scraped off and re-jarred upon landing.

* smear it ALL over my body and face, pretend I'm an aborigine. Oh wait on, I am an aborigine I got the great grandmother [or was that great, great, great] to prove it.

* use it as a hair dye, to be squeegeed out upon landing.

* grow my finger and toe nails extra, extra long with it embedded under them...heh no bastid will want to sit next to me on the plane neither. Would you look at that filthy nailed bitch.

Bugger that. I’m gunna go cut off a limb or two and stick oodles of the jars in my hollowed out appendages. Yeaah that’s the bloody G O.

But really, folate is our friend. Did they just read the fucking ingredients on something that has been imported for years and years. May the deciders/enforcers hear endless spools of the vegemite song.

Ooer isn’t the Little Fat Bastids life gunna be hell. heh. What me without my morning [noon and night] shot of toast and vegemite. Plus how will I repel his “want some” advances when I’m not in the mood...a quick breathy vegemite kiss usually did the trick...dammit now I’ll have to resort to bottom burping.

*sidles up to* Tex how much will you sell me that jar for once I hit the states? I’ll be yer best friend!!

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Posted by apositivepessimist :: 11:01 pm :: 30 comments

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