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~got nothing but toejam~
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

so as i was sayun...


the LFB’s family is a funny lot. i do believe i will get total pleasure [not the carnal kind] from each and every one of them. you have met one of his sisters and super-squirrel now i will introduce you to the he-thinks-he-is-soo-cool-he-nearly-is brother in law and older sister of the hillbillie clan...

pisspot-patrick and what-about-ME-morie...[haha i am laughing at them monikers]...always gotta have the best stuff...they are kinda like uppity hillbillies...[if that is not an oxymoron]...beautiful log home out in the woods...two well behaved kids if not a bit precocious...

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but, he’s a mean stoopid drunk and she’s pretty full of herself...when she's talking to you she opens the conversation with asking how you are then when you are part-ways answering her she starts talking non-stop about her and hers...makes me laugh. pisses. the. hell. off. her family members, especially the sisters. one day i just didn't answer her straight-off when she asked...made no difference she started in on about her and hers just where she always did...about where the third word in my answer would have been...i just looked at another sister and grinned.

apparently he can get a bit easy with his fist every now and again. she seems “happy enough” to stick around for the comfort their combined wages affords her. a while back she had her credit card bills re-addressed to her mom's place, went on for a few months. one day they were all at the mil's when an envelope was handed over to morie in front of pisspot-pat. talk about a "not happy jan" moment...he hit the roof, turns out she had racked up an easy ten grand on their joint card. he paid it and then took her name off all the combined accounts. then banned her from visiting her mom's place without him. he thought my mil was complicit in it all.

he does do funny things, like getting a skin full of the bourbon then deciding to climb up on that thair roof now *hitches up britches hhyep* to do some work...falls off...[ohhh whhhy does he not have “supercooldude” powers, i do not know]...and breaks bits on himself.

then they both lie and cover it up to some members of the family but she'll usually tell katie the real reason...she's the second eldest sister...dunno if i have mentioned her...then again not that i expect anyone to remember if i have...hell I can't remember. naturally katie usually ends up spilling her guts about it all...[nearly always after morie has annoyed katie about something. heh.]...so then everyone knows. but morie don't know everyone knows, so she'll continue on with the scenario of what reaally [didn't] happen.

fuck who needs tele. i love it


i was told the other day by the LFB that pisspot-pat has one of them headset phones. so naturally he walks around shops talking into it. how coool is he aye! my LFB witnessed him doing it the other day...i cracked...i can’t wait to join in...if i saw the pisspot out doing this i dunno if i could resist walking close behind him talking real loud and slowly about... “this wanker dude walking about [insert shop name...might even lie. insert some really freaky heavy duty porn shop's name] talking into a headset”.

now a question...would the person on the other end of the phone hear me? that is, if indeed he was actually talking to someone?

i dunno i got one brother-in-law who asks at every store he visits if they give “firemen discounts” whilst wearing his “squirrel shirt” and packing his “squirrel phone”...the LFB often is forced to drive the super-squirrel vee-hee-ikle...he haaates it...has the lights attached. this causes OTHER squirrels to acknowledge him when he's headed down into falmouth...LFB haaates it more being thought a fellow squirrel.

we have thought about getting bumper stickers made up for the super-squirrel vee-hee-ikle... “yes! but I’m LIVING my dream”...just to see how long before he notices. heh. heh. BUT the other day was the kicker...my mil found this light that you hook into yer car lighter and it lights up “HELP ME”...how funny is that...so we discussed the LFB attaching that to the super-squirrel vee-hee-ikle when he is having to drive it. funnily, when this was mentioned to super-squirrel he went to bed sulking.
Posted by apositivepessimist :: 11:24 pm :: 6 comments

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