Tuesday, October 20, 2009
*checks the date*
Thinks I’m being pretty damn good to you people. I mean it’s just the twentieth and here I am back in blooger world blooging again. Either. Life has been pretty good or I’m letting IT treat me crappily. Luckily for youse it’s been pretty good. Or moreso I just partook of some homegrown AND I think it’s pretty good…Now I’m thinking, some days I tend to say “pretty” a lot.
I’ve been doing that FaceBook thing, have been for about a month or so.
How’s that bloody FarmVille. Stupid addicting game. I love it.
Don’t like all those soppy applications so much. People sending me hugs etc. Not that I am against hugs per se but I do find it kinda weird that complete strangers want to hug me. Then I think, hell they’re only human. Hee.
I find I can be bluntly non-offensive on that “add friend request”.
Had one last night from a motherly-figure in my red-headed-step-sister-in-law’s life… Yes, the lazy sister-in-law is on my friend list, so is that retarded Dora-the-Explorer look-alike that lives next door to her. But I digress, I was telling about the motherly figure…I debated whether to just add this woman. Then I remembered those “soppy applications”, so I sent her a message instead asking if she FarmVilled otherwise I wasn’t interested…We will see if I add another neighbour to me farm.
Work has been rather hellish.
Last week , I found myself muttering and mumbling about the crap-arsed job. In one particular moment I even went as far as to snarl at my boss that no-one should have to work like a dog for $7.75 a fucking hour. Then we both looked at the three mounds of laundry I had piled, waiting for their turn in the full washers. She agreed and let me rant a bit longer before she apologized about the pay-scale.
But what can you do eh.
This week we are down a dryer. Been five days so far. I have fingers crossed that the repairman is in there now fixing the bastard. Would hate to see it drag into the sixth day.
I might be pissed off tomorrow.
Truth of the matter, I will either pull my finger out and do something about it [as in, look for better pay AND conditions] or just get over it because it’s close to home, it’s dayshift and I don’t have any responsibilities. I mean real responsibilities. I can leave work at work. Well, I can if I don’t blog about it. HaHa.
Plus my boss loves me.
Deservedly so, tho.
I have thought about swapping with Do-It-ALL-Dottie, she the hag like woman who does the majority of nightshifts. Just for the change of pace and change in staff faces but with winter approaching I want to be home at night during those oncoming bastard months. I loathe and abhor winter. Sorry MotherNature.
Plus, she [Do-It-ALL] is wanting my position, well wanting a dayshift one anyway. Claims her husband doesn’t see too good to drive over and pick her up at night. That well may be so. I’d be shutting my eyes at the thought of witnessing Do-It-ALL’s beauty as well. HaHa…Mean. I might have accommodated her through some of our shifts, with a swap here and there during the five-weekly schedule.
That is until I heard that she had been complaining about the GoodSheilaWoman that fills in on my days off. Then I thought, well Fuck Her, if that’s how Do-It-ALL’s going to try and “claim” some day work. By bad-mouthing the GoodSheila…heh and yes Sheila is actually her name….who also works like a dog and for less money.
Had a H1N1 shot today. Took it up both snot-holes. Joy.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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Sunday, September 27, 2009
Long time no Bloggie!
I am not one to apologise for absences, well absences in blog world.
Other than to say I been heaps busy beeatches. Yeowzaah.
Me and TheMoo [the dog] had an altercation with a skunk.
Skunk…1
TheMoo…0
Moi…0.5
I got a point because even when the damn dog chased the tail-waving skunk in my direction I was too fleet of foot to get a spray. Having long legs comes in handy when escaping the wildlife. However, I did, alas have to subtract half a point for having to deal with the aftermath of it all. Oh well, the FatBastid was able to fulfill his want of candles and incense sticks. Dude I don’t believe I’ve ever seen such big incense sticks. For a minute there I thought I musta been in bloody Texas.
FatBastid and his friend GoodForNothingJohn are joy-filled and plenty relieved that we purchased a brand spanking new under warranty for a couple of year’s ride-on mower for the next mowing season. They have done it tough. What with the mower continually breaking down and GoodForNothingJohn dabbling in lawnmower repairs, they were a pair of perfectly matched mates.
This past Saturday FatBastid had a trip to the local emergency room. He hadn’t had a poop since Thursday and if you know my FatBastid, he is nothing but regular. Almost after every meal regular. They were thinking it was appendicitis and if it was, he was going into surgery that night. After the CAT scan it was determined that he had perfectly healthy appendixes, but an inflamed intestine. After speaking with his family doctor a scope was deemed not necessary, much to FatBastids [and my] relief, we are both still medically uninsured. Now all is well with him and his bodily functions. Thank Bubbha, as I couldn’t take his pain any more, well, the telling me constantly about the pain etc. Yes, I know sometimes I am not too empathetic, but it usually takes a while before I start getting intolerant. They were a few long-arsed days, I tell ya.
Uhm. Oh yes, we purchased a freezer. Yay. Just in time for the encroaching blerh winter and deer season. The only good thing about blerh winter is the possibility of deer chilli and deer hamburger. Oh, and it somewhat slows down the visitors.
We planted our orchard. Well okay, FatBastid did most of the planting. I just helped with the selection of the fruit trees, oh and the paying of them. Two plum, two peach and two apple trees are thriving in their little mulched beds as I type. I’m sure both the deer and us will appreciate his efforts in years to come.
We have gone high tech, well high-bloody-tech for us. WiFi has been keeping us both on the net. My time is divided between yahoo chat, internet shops and playing games at Gamesville. Best $50 we ever spent. The best $136 we spent was in buying a MagicJack, going with a 5-year plan, bye bye phone bill.
TheMoo even went high tech and got some high dollar jewellery. She is now the proud owner of a $300 bloody WiFi dog collar. No, it’s not studded with precious stones. It’s studded with two probes that will shock her arse back within our fence line. Well, it will when we turn it onto that. At this stage she is on the *beep beep beeping* Danger Dog Robinson stage.
Here’s the spoilt bitch now.
Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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Thursday, June 18, 2009
Well crud.
I’ve been gone so long I’ve forgotten how to fix my heading. HaHa. Oh well. Couldn’t be bothered relearning so we’ll all deal with it. Yeah? Yeah!
That is until it bugs my sense of balance....okay only took a day to start bugging me and I FINALLY found wtf was up with it. Frig I can be real cleverer at times. Heh
So you’d think after being away so long I would have oodles, simply oodles to yap about. Well guess what. I have bugger all.
Hmm.
We have a house.
We have just over five bloody lovely acres. Bloody lovely until it comes time to mow the two cleared acres of it. But that’s the FatBastids bitch, not like I mow them.
We have a dog. It’s a bitch of a thing. MistyMoo when she’s being good and that fucking dog of yours [directed at the husband] when she’s being not so good.
Still employed at the nursing home. Trying not to be. Figuring I can work just as hard slinging hotdogs at the local Kahns factory as I can at slinging shit from the dirty bed sheets. But alas rejection was in the mail today. Application still on file.
Been living amongst the HillBillies for over two years now. Boy time flies when yer having some fun and sometimes none. I’m still amazed at what breathes around me. A fine example of why it should be mandatory to have blood tests before getting married. Not that a blood test would stop the breeding program around here. Yeah, shoulda wiped that one on a tissue buddy!
I’ve discovered DrugStore. Com. Admittedly not the drugs I would like to order online but kinda fun all the same.
See. I did forewarn about the lack of substance in my life.
No pun intended. Although somewhat fitting.
Haven’t had that for waay too long. Perhaps that’s the reason for being blog slacking.
Anyway I say good day to yew!Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008
*holds a mirror under my nose*
Okay…Yes…Good.
I AM still breathing.
It appears I lost November and December somewhere over here.
No Kids! Chouff doesn’t do any damage.
So.
Where was I?
Oh who cares where I was, lets talk about where I am!
I am currently in a state of…a state of…uhm. Loving and loathing. A state of loving and loathing everything and everyone around me.
I love my job but some days I loathe it.
Yeah, never thought I’d be the one saying that, especially about washing old peoples undies. I loathe it mainly because of the pay rate. Seven bucks an hour. WhatTheFuck is SEVEN bucks an hour?? I know I should be thankful that it’s not minimum wage. MotherFucker that owns God’s Waiting Room [the nursing home] is a millionaire, probably a multi one. Owns two service stations, a real estate office, storage sheds AND a oil company. And yes I know his tightarsedness IS the reason he is so wealthy. He’s still a motherfucker, and I doubt a pay increase would make me feel any different about him. Unless it was a substantial one. Then he may just be a cocksucker instead of a motherfucker.
I love my in-laws but some days I loathe them.
Especially when they only seem to do their laundry when I come home from work. Not like I haven’t been listening to a washer and dryer going non-stop part of the day. MotherFuckers have had all day to do it. Or more so, one of them has. Lazy little red-headed-step-sister-in-law bitch that she is. I don’t care how “special” you are, you should still be made to do shit. And really I wouldn’t class her as being in the high percentile band of retardism. Far from it. Funny, I typed that and then the motherfucking dryer is started up…and now there goes the washer starting…I bet it’s my mom-in-laws doing.
Just like it’s her “protections” that her youngest daughter [the red-headed one] has no fucking inclination and [sometimes] no bloody clue how to do stuff. I’m betting, now that my mom-in-law is older and not in the best of health she is regretting those doings. Yes, the LittleFatBastid and I do most of the household running, mainly so my mom-in-law doesn’t have too. With a nearly-thirty-year-old non-working daughter in the house she shouldn’t bloody need too. That’s bullshit that is. I do truly believe she will miss our arses when we’re gone. She’ll be back to doing everything and I mean ev-ver-reething.
It’s only been in the past year or so that she no longer washes Claude my father-in-laws hair, not because the hair washing was a loving gesture but because he didn’t know how to do so properly. I fucking kid you not. I do wish she would have carried on his dental hygiene tho. Some days I dunno if the food falling out of his mouth is this meals or one from last week. I tell ya, if yer enjoying yer meal, yer don’t look across at Claude eating his. HaHa. The man doesn’t know how to work plastic food storage bags, he just rips a hole in them. Never mind the big yellow and red stripes denoting the fact that the open and reseal is HERE!!
I love the people around here, but some days I loathe them.
Mainly because they’re pretty stupid. Normally I adore stupid people, that’s because usually I am in a tops mood and they are there and they amuse me. But when you cross stupid with devout it’s a whole different kettle of jesus fish. Every now and again 420 Prancey will blurt out it being the debils work when discussing “current events”, the last piece of his efforts concerned the latest imports from China. Yes, occasionally they’ll deviate from the usual lunchtime talk of “what ya eating” or about the weather.
Usually her religious spiel is said in wonky-eyed-Henry‘s direction, who is a definite representative of “someone’s” sense of humour. Be it Gods, The Devils or Bubbha’s. Personally, I lean towards The God of all Hillbillies~Bubbha. I think that would be just his style yer know. Yes, I realise it’s kinda wrong to poke fun at the more unfortunates. But shit. They’re THERE. Now I know what they mean when they say America is the land of plenty. PLENTY of what I never knew. Til Now. HaHa. Okay I can see some may read that and be pursing their mouth and arse cheeks tight.
Just the other week [ in my mind] I was furiously beating him about the head and body with the Birds and Blooms issue he was “look at this!…Look At That”…ing at all of us clustered around the table. I like a person who can read something without having to include everyone else’s attention into it. Yes, just read quietly to yourself, I don’t even mind if yer lips move while you are doing so thankyouverymuch. Unless it’s really good, then you may share. It never is with Henry.
Thankfully in some rotations I only see him one or two days in the week.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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Friday, October 19, 2007
Piss Off I have the LIFE NOW!!
So it appears it’s been over a month or so [WTF a whole bloody mooonth???] since I last blogged here. I just bet youse people missed me heaps huh!! But until me chouff kicks in and I feel like weaving a web of words re: what’s been going on with me…which has been lots and LOTS…for you nosey buggers.
I will keep it short and concise.
My vagina and I kicked over another year. Thankfully I wasn’t rostered to work that day, or else the LittleFatBastid might have missed me taking him out for the day and then buying him a meal. Yes, that’s right I paid for my birthday. Gotta love the little fat fuckers audacity hey. I can’t waaait til it’s his day of birth to see where he takes me. Better be worth his being born. HaHa.
I starred in a production of The Best Little Nursing Home in Texas Kentucky. I’m just hoping my ad-libbing and re-acting to the Judges questions didn’t make it to the promotional film shot. I’ve confused you now have I? Okay I need to back up a step.
Before my laundry skills were employed down at God’s Waiting Room they had entered and won for Best Nursing Home in the District. Now they’re going for the State. As seems to be the way with some people and their incessant need for the “titles” of being THE Best, Biggest, Baddest, godliest etc; they went all out to secure the bragging rights in the nursing home business.
Upon the day of Judgement, I had to laugh when I saw what came out of the various store-rooms to help dress up the place. Pictures suddenly sprang from the walls, vases of flowers were suddenly in bloom, coats of paint were applied. Even our old metal chairs in the staff room had white slip covers placed over them…Incidentally, we so better get a fucking jacket if we win State. Mind you, they’re still waiting to receive the tee-shirt for District. I bet that bloody owner is holding onto the tee’s just so he can save a few bob and add “Winner of State” to them, if indeed they do win it. Yeah Mate, I got yer bloody number.
I kinda stopped laughing when the sixty-one fucking beds consisting of top and bottom sheets, pillow-cases, bed pads and blankets NOT to mention all the residents own quilts were changed and given to the Lone Laundresser [that was me BTW] by the over-supply of CNA’s…usually stands for certified nursing aides but this day I thought they were more right proper cunt nazi arseholes but I digress. Some of us were busy as all fuck. And some of us had time to stand around looking pretty. I was in the former category.
But back to the promotional video, it’s to be aired at the Awards night next month. And that’s where the attendees will see some Aussie piece placing her neatly [it ALWAYS is] folded linen onto the storage cart. If I knew I was going to appear on film I would have attended NIDA’s Dramatic Institute of Performing Arts and practiced my smiling grin instead of having to use my snarly one.
Ha! I’m in the short film business. No. No autographs “freely” given.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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Monday, August 13, 2007
Well what do you know??
The BitchSlappingSite is back up and running. What a pleasant surprise. When I click through to the “list” of waitee’s, scrolling down, seeing a few blogs that I read on the waiting list…then *blink, blink*…ut oh to find my blog on the list…haha I reaally don’t remember submitting it. I mean for a second time. I really only like smacks so much yerknow. Was more than happy with my four from before. All that “let sleeping dogs, lie” rule I have. Haha…not quite right analogy.
Maybe that’s one of the changes…we can submit others blogs? Whoa *crack* that could be fun.
Anyway. They’re back. Go play with them.
But before you do. Guess what?
I found MY hairdresser. Yes. Ha. Hopefully she won’t die or nothing. I walked out of the salon with nary a 80’s BigHair in sight. Lucky for her. I did express my wish not to. I mean it can get slightly concerning seeing all these Dallas and Dynasty styles still floating by. I made it a mission to ask them who/where their hairdresser was, to make sure I never booked an appointment there with them. So yes, very happy with Judi’s Attitude in Hair, particularly Judi.
Soon as I heard her on the phone, more so, soon as I *knew* she understood me on the phone, I liked her. Didn’t hurt that she called me sweetie a few times, neither. Haha. After I got home and checked out my hair, I liked her LOTS more. So rang her to tell her I loved it and would be back. She’s newer to the business area, only been here six months. I figure she’ll do fine in the area.
Other than re-killing my grey hairs.
I feel like I’m falling apart.
Not mentally haha never mentally but physically. After overdosing on the many episodes of “Snapped” I have even jokingly *narrow eyes* accused the LittleFatBastid one of slowly poisoning me. I guess one can only take so many “okay time to Shut-Right-Up now, yer starting to annoy me” before one starts to plot and plan another’s demise.
My left ankle is the size of a clubfoot. First of, it was painful, not now though. So I don’t know what to make of that. I continually stare at it, wondering what the fuck is going on there. I don’t remember twisting it. But now I have a fat ankle. I’m thankful it’s not the both of them as they are pretty ugly.
My left pinkie and ring finger are like they have no strength and hurts to scrunch them up into a fist. I told the LittleFatOne that no doubt that was caused from gripping the big tub of coffee when I made ALL the pots of it like I have the past few days...it’s not right to feel like yer just a CoffeeBitch in life.
My right side from waist down along the leg aches like a right bitch at night. But I have discovered the joys of stealing half a horse tablet pain-pill that belongs to my mother-in-law. Damn if I ever have to totally give up chouff I’m gunna get me some of them bastids. Within an hour or so after taking one, I sleep like ThePoodle…all grunts, farts and drools.
Is it because I’m finally getting older?
Yeah. Probably.Labels: Family and Assorted Fucktards, Soo. Back To Me Now
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Sunday, July 22, 2007
What’s been going on with mah bad self?
Uhmm. We have chooks now. Admittedly not how the LittleFatBastid had envisioned his chooks would look and live like exactly. But we have them regardless. Twelve of them…haha might call them the Apostle Chooks. Although I don’t think we’ll have 12 for long as about 5 of them are roosters. And Yay Banties. A rooster and two hens. Lovely fawn colour to them.
Went down to help The LFB’s aunt Inez and uncle Russell clear out a storage garage yesterday. Woo. We know how to partay hearty huh. We thought it was their stuff, turns out most of the junk in there belonged to their daughter/son-in-law/grand-daughter…that / there designates three people not just the one person…thought I better clarify that beings as I’m in Kinfucky.
The clearing out soon turned into a yard sale.
Funny when I had the thought “Damn. Look at me. Here I am sitting out in a recliner [ a very nice and comfy one fer $15] on the footpath in countrytown America.
I so badly chided myself for forgetting my camera. Again. Could have got bloody pictures to go along with this…
Old black dude with the biggest bottom lip that I have seen so far in my travels come cycling up asking if the yellow bike was really “for free?”. A ten minute conversation ensued between him, Russell and the LFB about how free it was, “You mean I can just take it?”. He eventually, happily walked off between his green bike and new yellow Shwinn bike knowing that he wouldn’t be accused of “stealun it”. Apparently he was from the “Not Quite Right Home” up around the corner…meaning about four blocks away. I wondered what they thought when he come in with an extra bike. They’re probably used to it. He seemed a bike enthusiast.
Saw this one dome shaped bald headed dude, in his drooping bib n braces come shuffling across the railway tracks…I instantly thought of where he was residing. When he saw the crowd of us sprawled along the street he kinda stopped and hesitated, shading his eyes, as if determining whether to keep coming over towards us. He must have decided we were okay as he kept on coming. The LittleFatOne says “Look baby that’s me in fifteen years” and it may could be. Haha.
The lady along with her old farmer husband and tractor driving hatted son bought a lovely old dresser and mirror for $20. She had the most amazingly gravely voice I have ever heard on a four foot nothing woman. I second looked just to reassure myself she had breasts. Yeah I know that doesn’t mean nothing. But by the look of her husband he would have no truck with none of that.
The pot bellied woman in the white tank top and cut off shorts with four kids, one older girl and two girls in closer age, the youngest a boy Chad. I know his name because she was forever chiding him about touchun stuff. She actually started warning him when they were getting out of their truck. “Don’t you be touchun and breakun stuff when we get over there Chad” walked off with three kiddies videos tucked under their arms.
Had to suppress a small cackle at the capri jean shorted lady with the tummy who paid ten bucks for the AbMachineBed. Not at her buying it, but the sight of her laid out on it trying it out. I thought surely she would stop stretching when she felt the sun on her newly exposed white belly. Nope. More of it got in my eyes.
It’s kinda weird to be anywhere and think if I don’t open my mouth they think I’m one of them.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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Sunday, July 08, 2007
Having a FIGJAM! moment.
That's ahh Fuck! I’m Good Just Ask Me moment.
The pessimist in me was not expecting much out of PissPotPat at the July 4th Family Spectakulah. Usually the man is just downright rude and pretty much fucking insufferable. So what a pleasant I say, I say, a pleeaasant surprise that the dude was actually acting like a genuwhine human bean. I quite enjoyed his company. Amazing what moderating one’s drinks can do for some people. A vast improvement. All the family agreed. After they got over their gobsmack of it all.
I must say I was in fine form. Quite the ChattyCathy was I. The LittleFatBastids five foot nothing Aunt Inez told me to “just give me a huggh” and when I did she says “I just love yew to death”. Yes, she too is only human. Ha. I rock.
I was a tad disappointed though. We had five Hillbillie men down the hill, a coupla hundred dollars worth of fireworks and not one mishap was to be had. We’re not counting the one that fell over and shot it’s flaming ball at the soon to be chookhouse. No damage incurred. Apparently last year it was like a scene out of StarWars. Unintentionally the LittleFatBastid and his Dad Claude had a light sabre battle. A firework fell over and had shot at Claude, he thought the FatBastidOne did it on purpose so the next one he lit up he pointed it in the BastidOne’s direction. Yeah I have mentioned Ol’ Claude ain’t wrapt too tight eh.
In between my LaundryandGoodHouseKeepingBitch role and amusing the extended family, I’ve been alternating between gardening and gourd painting. Now, I dunno about you, but there are times I just amaze myself at just how bloody clever I am. Usually I’m used to my greatness yerknow. HaHa. In the process of painting up a Lolly Jar disguised as a FatLadyBather. Inez supplied me with the gourds and my brain hasn’t stopped buzzing with ideas since.
Seeee, that’s what the good old smoko does fer me. I’ve got ideas coming out of my arsehole.
I am too good.Labels: FIGJAM, Soo. Back To Me Now
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Sunday, May 06, 2007
In nine more days.
Life will not be as I know it. Jim.
The only "thing" that will be similar to what I am familiar with will be...well, me really.
Well familiar in most ways; I am considering getting a complete change of hairstyle. On both my head and nether region. Arhaaha. But lets just talk about the head end. I am throwing up whether to git myself a female mullet.
No seriously.
I *know* I would drive the LittleFatBastid just wild with a mullet.
Oh I snorted when I cackled then.
Now. I think I have to stop listening to this seventies compilation CD.
Maybe after this run through of it.
If I didn’t think it was “wrong” to burn this CD therefore ripping off the artists in their royalties I‘d get my son to copy this...yes, alright, okay it’s more I think if Customs were to go through my stuff they might not see this as being a good thing for me to have.
I discovered some mersyndol in my SIL’s bathroom cabinet. So I took 2. I have nothing but fond memories of mersyndol.
I can NOT believe how good a dancer I am.
No truly.
One day if yer really lucky I might get the LittleFatOne to join me in putting on a dance routine for you guys. Fucken Torville and Dean have nothun on our boogieing arses. Arhaaha how many of youse went huh, weren’t they bloody ice-skaters?
If you did, well yes, you’d be correct.
Oh and. Yes, you can stop pointing and laughing at the slow fat kid stuck on dial up now. You can quit it, because I have upped my speed by an arse crackling 20Kbps. AHA! How did I do this you may well ask. Just in case none of you wankers ask, I will tell yers. I am camped out at my brothers place, while he, his wife and the two littlest heathens are in Sydney. It's a wee bit faster in town than what it is stuck out in the sticks.
So here I am tra la lahing all over the blogosphere.
Wooty, woot woot.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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Saturday, March 03, 2007
Was it only yesterday that I was marvelling over myself?
About just how un-nervous I'm actually being.
This time and day next week, I will be sitting in a car whining "are we theeeere yeett?" on our trek down to Sydney. The Good Dick will no doubt just turn up the radio to drown me out.
Tomorrow, this time next week I will be sitting in the US Consulates office. Waiting to be interviewed.
Three hours later I might still be sitting there. On account I fucked up in the "listed" order of my documents. Apparently, if my "stuff" is not in the sequence with the photocopies directly under it; I will be sent to the back of the line.
Egads, now there's something to get my self-diagnosed "checking" OCD out and about, whut.
That is, once I find the box that I packed that shit in. Hope my Dad unloaded it from his ute and NOT my Sister's Mother.
me: "Muuum, where's that smaller box, about yay big?" *holds hands out in height and width*
mum: "uhmmm...hmmm...ahh"
me: *slowly going into squinty eyes mode*
mum: "oh it's in the back bedroom, okay not there? try the other one, or maybe it's in the shed, yes, try the shed, I'm sure I put it in the shed"
me: *twitchy eye and monobrowed*
Every now and again I have one of those "Whoa" moments.
Was taking my reward of the blog reading/comment bombing thing when I stopped and thought...
"Oh WoW, this is the last time I'll be doing what I'm doing at this particular moment in this particular place."
Whooaah Dewde!
Okay, stop talking to me now.
I have a shitload to get done. I like it, when I have umpteen dozen choices of what to do next. No really, makes domestic labour all the more fun.
But really, I think I need more...erm, motivation.
Yeaaah.
I found the beginning of a straw whirly-gig hiding in my son's room, behind his door. Just waiting, waaiting to get more powerful. Or maybe it was just trapped in the spider webs that shared it's space. Dunno. But I busted up their little partnership with me trusty vacuum. This was after I busted the vacuum lose from its own web entrapment.
Bastid spiders.
I have the glory of a whopping big redback above my front outside door. I have been watching her progress over the weeks...there's about five fat white eggs hanging around with her. Dunno if I'll take them on with me trusty broom or just leave them be. After all it's outside. Not like I'll be here for their possible home invasion caper. Already drowned/burned one in an empty pot from outside. Death by ten year old Bluebell facial astringent. Wonder if it hurt.
Funny. I was placing some washing in the machine when a wee cutely curled up spider fell out of them onto the rim of the washer. I noticed it's accompanying lovely red abdomen slash. Thinking it was dead, my nose and beadies were about five centimetres away from it, getting a better look see. When it did an impressive backspin, whilst unfolding its legs, then it flipped itself right-side up into a rather large hideous bitey thing...Ugh *splat* with my washing detergent bottle.
Okay. Played with you's enough.
Back to it.
Now. Where was I up to.
Maybe more, whut moooore! motivation and a progress checklist is required. I mean, I’m already doing the rewards programme.
Heathens room = done, all bar the washing of his window.
Oven = done, except for the top and outside cleaning of it, oh and putting everything back.
Bathroom = done, well withstanding that whole shower scrubbing, bath vacuuming
My bedroom = done, all but the last minute pick-up and pack, vacuuming, rearranging and window washing.
Kitchen = don’t even talk to me about the rest of the kitchen...I just got the microwave platter clean.
Laundry = oh buggerit, I have a laundry to be done.
Toilet = will soon be at the level of thy will be done.
Lounge/Dining = oh haha you make me laugh. That’s the last part done.
Hmm maybe staying an extra night will be warranted. Hmmm. Yes it was.Labels: Family and Assorted Fucktards, Soo. Back To Me Now
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
7:08 pm ::
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Friday, March 02, 2007
I think I’d like to be poked in my numbed fanny.
Ninety nine percent of my worldly possessions have been dismantled and distributed amongst my heathen family. At least that's something I won't be concerned about upon my deathbed uh. My dad whined because he got a partially filled box, while my brother had a few more plus all my surviving inside plants. Luckily my sister had already collected her six plus boxes. It wasn't until I pointed out that he had my scanner in his possession, once again; and he'll be sharing all my good bickies and fun food that he quit his bellyaching.
Then he told me they weren't going away until Tuesday. WHUT??!...No! Tim bloody Tam bickies for him! That's bloody three nights and two days I'll have to put up with them pair out there. Unless he was joking, like he was about my bequest to him of that scanner, five bars of soap and the return of two of his police magazines. Heh I am so bloody “giving” I do amaze myself at times.
I’m positive my sister Lesley will adore the religious plaque that is in her last goodie box. It was a gift to me from Mamie, LFB‘s red-headed, stepsister who isn’t 100% right. Is it wrong to re-gift The Lord...“Oh How I Laughed, when I put this in here” was what I wrote on the fluoro sticker that I stuck to it.
So here I sit surveying only part of what I need to clean tomorrow. I Thank Bubbha that my medical is all over and done with. I clean so much better with a good buzz on. Maybe I better get a sooperbuzz happening. Got the whole place to clean and scrub so as to get my six week bond back. Five hundred and 80 bucks...yes thanks!
Asked The Good Dick about taking me to Sydney for my interview Monday after next coming. Still not completely sure how I’m ‘planning’ it yet. Either stay at our friends place about three hours out of Sydney and travel down by train. Or stay at our friends, have The Good Dick drive me to the western suburbs of Sydney and catch the train from there. My hopes did perk up when he thought that Martin Place [where the US Consulate is located] actually has a railway station[??]...something about the City-Circle railway line. I vaguely remember it but I always got off at Central, so dunno really.
Fuck just remembered, they have machines that do yer tickets now. Always so much simpler to say “a return to Central please” to the person behind the ticket window. I will be learning the new ways of train travel fast. Either learn damn quick or get trampled, pushed or stomped by the masses, whilst trying. Hope I don’t cause a pile-up at the electronic ticketed turnstiles. Oh well, least I won't be crushed to death with a full bladder.
Whoah this may all soon be over. Damn aye.
Well bugger, my leg is waking up. Hate those bloody pins and needles that you get. Although it mades me laugh when I’d lightly kick or poke The LFB in his leg, when he had them. You ever do that or have it done to you? Makes you feel all giggly and weak like while the numbness is wearing off.
Try it!
Go'on.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
9:21 am ::
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Various Hell's and Damnations.
Started off with the Tuesday morning from Hell. Hell I Say! Well then again, not like Hell-Hell, lets amend that to say Semi-Hell. So it started off being Semi-hell had me old meth heads for the Oldie Day Care starting their day an hour earlier than normal. Because, get this, they whined about never getting enough time at their monthly short-bus destinations. And me! being the most excellent person that I am stupidly, stoooopidly listened to their whines. Instead of saying, "Dammit you people give me the right raving shits, just take, take, take and more, more, more". I arrange for their "whine" to happen.
I tell yer, I am almost an Angel. Almost.
So with a hissy shriek at the alarm clock, I got up at 7am...well technically kinda 7.20am. Had a few of them Shuuut Up and Flick at the ole snooze button moments. But I have it set ten plus minutes fast in the first place. So when it says 7.30am its just tricking me, its like only really quarter past.
Usual morning operandi is have a smoke or two, a coffee and then a shower, get dressed and then, only then, go out and load the Blue Hornet, start it up, come back inside and brush me teeth. After it has been spewing out it's "Die, Die from carbon monoxide poisoning you F-F neighbour" fumes for five or so minutes, I then drive merrily up to work. Okay the merrily part is a complete bloody fabrication. So all was going roughly to plan until that bloody car of mine wouldn't start.
"Crap, crap, crap, Faaaarrk!".
Dashed inside, thinking who can I ring, who can I ring to score a lift off. I'd never make it walking in time. First phone call, no answer, wasting minutes that I don't have. Run back outside when I hear Sally moving about, manage to bludge a lift to work from her. In 30 minutes I add extra tables and chairs to the morning tea table, set the bloody thing for 15, set up the tea/coffee station, always good to remember to fill and whack the urn on...and I did, butter their frigging Sao biscuits, cut up some tomatoes and cheese and then add these slices to the buttered Sao's. Then count Sao's and add four or so more.
All the time wondering where the frig Ditzy is. I'm chopping up chunks of watermelon when I hear her come in, 25 minutes late, then saying to me "Oooh, I forgot they were coming earlier todaaay" and in the same breath "I was just out there taaaalking, shoulda come and got me".
Then it's me with the not letting her know about how freeeaking busy I'd been/was "Yes, well I woulda if I knew you were out there, didn't hear ya" I then send her off on a mission, mainly so she don't stand there yapping, while I start getting more twitchy about not being ready for the Jihad Geriatrics when they storm the building all bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and mouth twittery at 9am.
The rest I have managed to blur and block out...for the moment.
But the good thing is. My car werks. For the fourth time I have been reminded, yes I have done this about four times in twenty years of driving. Hee. To alllways check the gear I'm in. The bloody thing was in drive when I turned the key this morning weren't it.
*sheepish arrgghaha*...Silly Me.
Heh. At least I was still smart enough to figure that was what the problem was. Just a pity I wasn't smart enough not to tell Ditzy what I'd done. It makes her do this real screetchy/slow witted laugh/voice when she gets excited.Labels: Family and Assorted Fucktards, Soo. Back To Me Now, Toejam
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
9:12 am ::
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Criminal background checks and lying about my whereabouts.
Tuesday was my first Day Care back with my crotchety old crack hoes. As much as I was dreading it...read sitting on the loo for my morning poo alternatively wailing "Awww but I don't waaanna gooo up theeeere" and "Fuck me, stupid bitch, why didn't I take an extra week off"...Yeah like I'd be feeling any different in a weeks time. I got my shit together [heh] bracing myself for a frolic fun filled day I made it out the door and on time. Unlike my second day back at work last week when I listened to me when I said “Bugger it, don’t feel like going today” so I didn’t. How good am I aye! Return to work from my holidays on the 9th and chucked a sickie on the 10th. At least I had the forethought to have them bring their own activity for the morning so I didn’t have to muck-arse around with that.
The day had it’s fair share of highlights. Well okay two highlights. That greedy bitch volunteer that gets on my tits didn’t show up. Still school holidays so I was pretty sure she wouldn’t be there. But, you just never frigging know. Plus, I successfully managed to bail out of the first monthly meeting. Really, did I ever doubt that I wouldn’t come up with an excuse. As the introduction in my monthly report said...My apologies for being unable to attend this meeting as I am fulfilling my first love, namely that of Bingo calling this afternoon. Yes, on certain days...I can and do embrace the yawn fest that is calling bingo numbers. Funny that those embracing days are usually the third Tuesday of the month. But nonetheless I embrace thee.
Guess what I did today? I pretended I wasn’t me when I had a phone call from my governing body. “No, sorry she’s just popped out, can I take a message”, then I listened to the caller getting snippy about leaving a message on the machine last week and having still not received a call back. I managed to not give myself away with a “Bitch. You didn’t ring here!”. Buggered where that message went, for the life of me I don’t recall having or deleting one from her. So then I had 30 minutes of wondering what the hell they wanted and damn why did I pretend I was not me, now I’ll have to fake a voice...hmmm I wonder if I can pull off a Pakistani accent...when I return the phone call.
When I rang back, I got some bloke with a “She’s not at her desk, can I take a message”. Okay phone tag, I like this game, perhaps we can play it til I’m out the work door and deal with her another day. Not to be. Reminding myself to not sound like me each time I answered the phone, I waited for her to return my return call. She did. Was about a positive answer in a criminal background check for one of my volunteers. Because we deal with the aged and frail all volunteers must have a background check. Stands to reason, can’t have a granny or grandpa beater delivering their meals on wheels can we.
Alas it was not about that greedy bitch volunteer, was looking hopeful about shedding her arse and all. So now I have to ask this particular volunteer what she was “convicted” of in 2006 and then ring this lady back and she will tell me where we go from here. I’m pretty sure I know what it is for, the volunteer in question has been driving for twenty odd years and has never held a licence to do so, I recall a snippet about her getting pinged for it a few months back. I don’t “employ” her to drive, just to occasionally cook and help throw them on and off the short bus on their once a month bus outings.
In reality it will be irrelevant as this volunteer is relocating back up to Queensland in a month or so.Labels: Family and Assorted Fucktards, Soo. Back To Me Now
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
2:50 am ::
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Friday, January 05, 2007
I desire minions, not opinions.
Why don't the plebeians within breathing distance of me know that.
Ou I'm feeling quite chatty and friendly. Not to worry, it won't last long. Obviously other people are feeling the same. Just by going on the amount of stinking traffic coming and eventually going from these flats. Not many of the vehicle occupants are for me. Thank fuckily. I dislike drop-ins. And if Bubbah thinks he is fooling ME when he drives in, in different vehicles. Ha. I'm on to him and his sneakiness. It’s getting so that I can tell who is here and for whom without glancing out the window. Fatcar sound...yeah that’s Bubbah. Quiet zippy car...yeah that's Sally.
Been having frightfully, I say frightfully good weather over here. All overcast and shit, windy with the occasional drop of rain. Bloody lovely. Oooh having some rain now. Ouff. Wait on, let me get a whiff of it. Love the smell of rain. I once made that same comment when in a three way with a local Goddyite and the Hostel cook Vi about a recent storm we had just had. The Goddyite replied with a "Yes, isn't He wonderful, what He does for us". My 'WTF is she ON' face matched Vi the cooks one. Then we giggled and the Goddyite went on her merry eldery way. Happy and secure in the knowledge that Jesus does indeed love her. The rest of us think she's a wee old cunt...arhaahaa I love that saying.
I'm in love with Vi the Cook. She's a crack-up. All jolly and quick with the wit like. She is never any different any time that you enter her work area. Which can't be said about the rest of the workers there. It's like walking into a charter of MoodyRudeBitchAnon. One of them I am still undecided whether she is a full blown member of the above group or if she is just people skill retarded. Some days a "hello" some days just that "blank stare through you" from her. Some days I give her one of those overbright, fake Helloohs, when we pass in the hallways just because I'm pretty sure it annoys her.
I can be all friendly and shit like that.
Just like a mongrel dog when it's dry humping yer leg.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
9:09 pm ::
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Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I'm a Believer...
that the LFB is either making an attempt at "sure showing me" or he heard me when I said in our last conversation, which was [erm sun, mon...] four! days ago. Lately he has been online every two days.I said that I had bugger all to say to him. Does that sound uhm harsh? Now before you may think I was bummed out with talking to him and that's why I haven't posted in over a few days. Perish the thought, I wasn't bummed or anything similar...a special thank you goes out to Allan! it's the second or third time that I've had a good *poke* in over two years, hope it was good for you too.
I just meant fuck all can happen in two days.
Well no, actually a lot can happen in two days. Just not when you are the located in a country town whose population is just over five hundred people...I personally think on the last census that smelly old GoatLady got away with counting her herd of goats, sheep, dogs, cats, chooks, rats and, annnd,...oh her body vermin. Then when two hundred of those two and one legged bodies are currently in the surrounding hospitals a few hours away. Nah, there hasn't been an outbreak of birdflu, chainsaw massacring madmen [one can only hope for this excitement, would put us on the map baybee], a tsunami or anything cata-sendusmelotsa$$$now-strophic like that...just most of this towns folk is made up of those in God's waiting room and they keep breaking things. Mostly their body bits.
Nah, nothun much tah say bout whuts been goin on round 'ere...*lazily tugs at duds, waves a fly away*.
I bought another lotto ticket.
Every now and again I AM a BELIEVER baaybee. Yes, a believer that I could win and that money will and can buy me happiness. If I won lots and lots of it, I could explain to my employers exactly how to shove their job up their collective mangy, withered and pouchy old pusses. But nice like. I've got less than a weeks holiday left. I made an error when adding up my days away from those evil old bitching witches and that cesspit I call my workplace. Here I was, praaaactically boasting dancing because I thought I had something like 26 days off, then to work out it was/is only 18 or so. Sucks to be me huh. Heh.
Received an email from the redheaded not entirely right in the head and body step-sister-in-law. It contained a photo of the LFB and that stoopidpoddledog Maddison. Her signature line kinda made me go whuuut and fuckNO at the same time.
..."Jesus gives us courage to face each day; Stop and give thanks to Him"...
More power to her. I guess. I just have never got into the thought/mindset that I'm not responsible for my own courage. But really, the last bit could be put in a much bloody nicer way..."Why not stop and give thanks to him". She must have got in with some Goddyites. She's never had that signature before. Oh well aye. The Jesus part doesn't really bother me...I usually read that in my head as a Cheech "Heyseus".
“Heyseus geeves us courage and pot to face each day amiiigo; Stop and give thanx and a twentie to heem"...Yeah well, pfft, it makes me laugh.
Finally rang and got the banking details for the real estate office, was the third time I’d gotten the information. Keep putting the details in a very. very. safe place. Obviously, really bloody safe, can't find them. Paid some more rent via the net. Brings me up to February. I should be hearing something from immigration “late January, early February”, but that came from the same lawyer gob that spouted “by Christmas” over two months back. Yeah, Seeya in April, May. Maybe.
I made a new years resolution. Well, not reaaally a resolution. More an attempt maybe. I think I may attempt to start commenting to commenters in my comments. I like that. Hey that’s one of them suzy sellz zee seashells at zee seashore type of tongue twists. Kinda.
Okay, well its TutTah for now.Labels: Family and Assorted Fucktards, Soo. Back To Me Now
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Thursday, November 09, 2006
What is it about my face...
that makes completely random people want to converse with me. Today this swarthy, heavily clothed, sunglass wearing dude come up to me as I was getting out of my car and asked me how to spell silk. Silk? Yes silk. Oh okay, thinking he was testing my superior brain honed by hours of Literati I spelt it for him...F.U.C.K...O.F.F...W.A.N.K.E.R.
No I didn’t, sometimes I am the good fairy whilst out in public...I spelt it, then he immediately said what do cows drink? Water was my reply. Ohh big hearty stupid guffaws from him I guess I better get a new riddle you‘re supposed to say milk. Yes, maybe one that hasn’t been around for donkey’s years would be the way to go. With that, off he continued on his merry guffawing way.
But it did make me wonder how many people he accosted in his journey up the street with that riddle. And how many more times he will ask it in his lifetime.
Had some fat bastid clomping around on my roof earlier. Knowing full well it was too early for Santa, I ventured out my back door just as a bucket of leaves and dirty water was thrown off it. It was my fellow flat dweller Doug cleaning out my gutters. Now, before you think what a jolly good fellow is he. He gets cheaper rent to do the yard and roof maintenance and the gutters should have been cleared like before we had our downpours. Would’ve stopped them from overflowing the past few rainy days. I dunno, slack tart that he is. I mean I had to sweep out my carports the other week. Horror. Soon he’ll have to “mow my lawn bitch”...it’s looking lovely and green at the moment. Which makes a pleasant change from the brown and dead it has been for the past few months.
Speaking of brown and dead I need to go do a poo.
I‘m such a little charmer.
Then I’m going to go kick the living crap out of my Literati opponents...whoever they shall be. Wheeeee.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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12:56 am ::
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Sunday, November 05, 2006
I must have went walkabout...
without the walking. Buggered if I know what I been doing for the past week or so...oh hold on, yes I do, I been off on a yahoo literati [similar to scrabble but more lenient] playing jag. And may I say there are some very. poor. fucking. rude. losers. [and winners] out there. If they have never heard of the word they'll accuse you of cheating, she was a bitch, I’m not playing her again, admittedly the word was bize and fucked if I know what it means rightly either [I think it‘s a tool] but I do know it’s a word and it worked. So up YOURS beeatch. Mind you I haven't heard of some of their words neither but the thought never crosses my mind, that they might be using a cheat programme. Well, all except this one dude, the thought did cross my mind with him. Yeeaah, cheating bastid I thought.
Been and had my two yearly...well okay it had been about four perhaps five years...pap smear. Had me boobs felt up and my skin checked. More action than I have had in a helluva long time. Yes, enough from yoooou I know you beat me in that. I can still remember what it actually feels like and know that I miss it. heh.
Chucked a sickie from work the other day. Guess which day it was. If you answered Wednesday you'd be wrong...nah you wouldn't be, was just joshing. Of course it was frigging Wednesday I hate stinking Wednesdays. I also hate Tuesday's. Well except this one coming. Nope. Not because it's the short-bus day for them old Day Care people that I slave for. But because it's Melbourne Cup Race Day. The four legged Nascar that happens once a year on every 1st Tuesday of November. Woot. The Club is putting on a "day" for it. So all the old tarts and farts will be attending that instead. I did insert the happy skip at this piece of news. And most of them did see me do it. The Skip. Hee Hee.
The second happy skip inserted [a mental skip this time] was when I found out that I won't be seeing OR listening to that almost bores me to deaaath volunteer, that one who calls Bingo...chanting to myself, yes, BUT she calls bingo! is fast losing it's effectiveness. She must be pretty bad if I'm tossing up the thought of calling bingo the lesser of the two evils...for two, yes make that twooo, weeks, I won't be having to listen or look at her rot, I can hear a halle-bloody-lujah wanting to burst forth in my thoughts. She is off up to Brisbane on the 14th for a medical appointment. Yes, yes I know, I’m on the long-bus to Hell because she is obviously not exactly healthy, but dammit she gets on my tits. So anyway, arrhaaha life is good. Well, it could be better but you know, it's the little things in life.
Speaking of little things. Went and actually visited with my now walking niece and her family earlier. During the visit I watched Ted the cat hook it's claw into their dog Asif's jowl. Maan that sucker was hooked in good, to the point Asif was turning and smiling at you very lopsidedly. Stoopid dog just had that look as if to say "bloody hell, look at what I put up with". If I had taken my camera you would be looking at a picture of that right about now. But beings that I didn’t. Guess you have to miss out on that huh.
Now to really fill yers all in!!! Bugger me dead if we haven’t had some bucket loads of rain lately. Lovely stuff that rain. Especially when you are inside out of it. Reading...on the lounge...all snug and warm...eating pizza...or just eating anything really...by candlelight. Because the power happens to go out. After twenty minutes you start making candle wax creatures because you’ve gotten slightly bored in the semi darkness with making hand puppety things...look! a duck...look! the same duck giving the electricity company the finger with a ventriloquist mumble of fuck youse, hurry up and fix iiiiit.
Okay, dammit I mentioned pizza.
Bye now.Labels: Soo. Back To Me Now
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