Monday, November 23, 2009
All about pee.
Yerknow I was thinking while taking my shower, that we [as Australians] have a lot of meanings to the word piss besides the taking of one.
Piss OFF before I punch yer head in…a direction when angered.
Oh piss off, yer takin the piss!…disbelief at a tall story.
Taking the piss…making fun of.
Piss on you!…insult.
Drinking the piss at a piss-up…drinking beer/alcohol at a party.
It was a right pisser…a let down.
She was pissy…bit tipsy from the alcohol.
She was pissy…bit angry, possibly because all the alcohol has been drunk.
Piss’d me pants…either laughing or from fright.
Pissed off…as in left or an angry state of mind.
Which brings me to...
Hands up who takes a pee in the shower?Labels: Heh. Educating The Unlucky Bastids, Toejam
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
5:10 pm ::
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Sunday, March 18, 2007
Living the Good Life!
You would think after doing this on and off for the better part of the day...
...that I wouldn't be much good fer nuthun huh.
How fucken WRONG yers are. I tell you, I worked my skinny hairy fingers to the fricken bone.
Non-stop, well not counting the bong-stop-and-sits I was non-stop.
My mother is going to come home to a top to toe sparkling clean house. Thought that would be my parting gift to her. Her fridge was growing stuff. Funny not once did I get the dry heaves and I touched the "living stuff" with bare hands. Look at me, playing at being all grown up!
My father is gunna get his *insert name of property here* sign repainted. I did it the first time round; just have to get some orange paint and practice my sign-writing skills. Think I'll do a different script this time. If he’s lucky I will do another “Beware of...” warning signs at his gate into the compound too, beings that my original one is faded to the shithouse.
Hopefully they will both come home to the ownership of two dogs. But I'm not liking their chances if that VaMi mutt doesn't quit ripping shit up. "Yeaah I've got the nearest Chinese restaurant on speed DIE-al you little prick of a dog" is what I yell from the veranda at it. Little bastard thing ignores me and carries on with what it’s doing. I found one of my foot thongs down in the yard this morning. Took me a few goes to rescue it. I can see this is part ii in my life, with having to outwit/outsmart/out survive someone else’s fucken dog...yes, the omittance of outplay was intentional.
I believe I will once again be svelte. Just going by the amount of times I have to get up and go down and around the triathlon course and mess with the water-tanks pump a day. Fucker. Couple of times I’ve thought it has HAD it...only to have it kick in on my third or fourth go at it. I know my cursing scares it into starting, eventually.
I love this little dude!
I’ve named him Lyzard Un-Skynnered. First saw him near the compound gate then yesterday noticed him atop Wood-Henge doing his “If I stay verry, very still...ha! she’ll think I’m just part of the furniture”.Labels: Heh. Educating The Unlucky Bastids
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
9:22 pm ::
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Thursday, March 15, 2007
Heaar Yeee, Hear YE.
I am now ensconced in my parents heavenly treed and rocked property. I am Lord and Queen of all that I see.
But I've decided to still retain my common touch.
I am alpha bitch in the canine department; dog feeder, thrower of various balls and chief dog whisperer yeller...mainly when the beastly things take turns in sneaking in a long lick up the back of my legs or stepping on the back of my thong forcing me to a sudden halt, which in turn makes them collide with me, with their hanging out tongues. By the end of my reign here they will both know the meaning of the word "GAAAHH!!".
I have five...yes that's right FIVE tv channels to choose from. I need to buy a tv guide. I forget what's on the two channels I couldn't get before.
I have discovered that my mother is a serial purchaser. None of that buying in piddly amounts it's serious bulk buying all the way dudes. Fer instance I just counted 120 rolls of toilet paper out in the laundry cupboard. While exploring her walk in pantry I came across her tub of dried fruit. Mmmm dried apricots, loike fucking yum. Bleech dates. Mmmm dried plums. I ate 21 of them, yes I counted the seeds, before I thought, hmmm hold on don't you eat prunes to help yer do poo's? A couple of hours later I found that to be true. You do. By the time I have eaten my way through her dried fruit tub I will re-count those loo rolls.
Being out here, isolated can be a wee bit funny like at night. I of course keep hearing "noises". Won't stop me from sleeping tho. I figure if something were to happen it was meant too. Not like I'm gunna go and lock the doors...well not ALL of them. Just the one's closest to my bedroom. Arhaaha figure it might give me a fighting chance against the "something".
Now. YOU get to *shout*...“Eeeek RUN Apos!! Ruuuun!” at yer monitor.Labels: Heh. Educating The Unlucky Bastids, Toejam
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
8:17 pm ::
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Thursday, March 01, 2007
A picturesque post...Prepare yeself.
Old man Emu. My mother told me to do something to make it move. So I yelled at it. Freaaked it the fuck out, started racing along the boundary fence with it's long neck stretched out trying to find a gap in it. Up, back, up back, repeat. I felt bad for stressing it out, then my Mum says I meant for you to wave yer hand because sometimes they'll come closer wondering what the movement is. I didn't think you were going to yell at it. Oops my bad.
Detailed instructions next time please Mother Mia!
*note to self* try rolling the window down all the way next time.
But does give a nice breaker from what's speeding by and what isn't.
Here's the proof that Elvis never left the bloody building, he's here making a living by being a fruitologist.
"Oi YOU stop lazing around in the sun. Yer just like a lizard flat out drinking".
Well yes, it was dead. That bloody Mia person tried to get me to put my sunglasses on it and then take the photo.
Yes funny. Now shut it and drive on Mia!
Coming back. Early, very bloody early morning.
Look it's the frigging Holy Tree!!
Can you see the shroud around the tree?...or do I have a cataract?
Whoa might be able to make a buck out of this. Wonder if I can chop it down and sell it on EBay.Labels: Heh. Educating The Unlucky Bastids
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
9:22 pm ::
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Monday, January 29, 2007
Dope fiends and a cock or too.
Went out to the olds place for a barbie yesterday arvo. Remembered to take my camera. Well remembered to take photo's from my remembered camera. I usually think naah I'll get photo's of the place another day.
Another day came yesterday.
We had a pair of emus or as you Yanks call ‘em emoo‘s, coupla maggie‘s and just a lone kooka. Few cockies that ended up getting the bums rush with a shotgun.
They can chew up yer house, they have started snacking on the Oldies place so my father is trying to persuade them away from their stop and chew flight path. I’m sure he mutters “yeah, piss off yer bastid house chewing birds” as he pulls the trigger.
...ends with the obligatory [just "click" on the flaming] pics of an emu and a kookaburra...
So does anybody know how long it takes a bit of chouff get out of yer system. Say less than a weeks worth, with just say, kinda one scoob enjoyed, thoroughly bloody enjoyed, per night. Like is it one day free fer every scoob had?
Meh. Got me pack of old treasures tomorrow. Think I'll shut them up in the morning with an activity of "brain-drains. Consisting of a search-a-word and a cross-word, will also chuck up a word on the whiteboard. They see how many other words they can get, using the same letters. It keeps their heads down and their bums up. So what's a word meaning...do as I say or the Granny gets it? Plus gives me another week to come up with a craft activity for them.
I keep telling the ironing board to STFU. I know I have to iron my clothes. I hate ironing...ou now that the tennis is over maybe Boston Legal is back on. Bastids! it's not on tonight. Ohhh but Shameless is.
Bye now, iron is hot to trot.Labels: Heh. Educating The Unlucky Bastids
Posted by apositivepessimist ::
6:53 am ::
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